


dread

by petermaldonado



Series: fighting for solace [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, bed sharing, somehow sadder than the last fic i posted, these boys.... im sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-05-01 17:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19182484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petermaldonado/pseuds/petermaldonado
Summary: Armin and Eren share a bed and address the events that have transpired. Armin is feeling defeated by life.Takes place after the basement reveal, when Eren and Mikasa have to stay in the cell as punishment.





	dread

The air is still within the cellar. Everything is dark except the space surrounding the lowly-lit torches that hang outside of the cellar. After some pleading on Eren's part (and some protesting on Armin's), Armin joins Eren in his bed.

 

"If anyone finds us like this, it will look weird." Armin whispers whilst he lays down, facing Eren. His instinctively draws himself in closer, arm hooking across Eren’s shoulder. Eren pulls him in close by the waist and squeezes him tight enough that Armin feels his breath catch in his lungs. 

 

"I don't care." Eren mumbles into Armin's neck, unabashedly allowing himself to take in all of Armin. His hands move around Armin's body, up his sides and shoulders until eventually, they find their home around Armin's waist again. It feels like clarity. Clarity that Armin is alive and breathing and with him once more.

 

Silence fills the air. Armin can't muster any will to talk it, about anything. It's all too much. It's agonizing and terrifying and the only words he can seem to find are  _ why me why me why me. _ He made his peace that day, that he would die and that Eren and everyone else would live and have a chance of gaining freedom. The responsibility and what has become of him now feels too much to bear. 

 

The information found in Eren's basement is another overwhelming amount of information, too. Barely anyone has been able to process it. Armin doesn't know what the course of action is now. Negotiation? War? He is tired, impossibly so.

 

"You lied to me, you know." Eren's words cut through his thoughts. Eren's tone isn't pointed, or angry, just low and matter of factly. It almost feels worse.

 

Armin wants to plead ignorance; to nestle into Eren’s chest and to pretend that none of the day has come back to him. To pretend that none of this is happening, but he owes Eren more than that.

 

“I’m sorry.” Is all he can manage; staring out into the space beyond Eren’s shoulder. Though the air feels tighter between them, they remain in the same position. A pregnant pause ensues and Armin can feel his heart heavy in his throat. He knows what it feels like. He lost Eren once too; because Eren was brave and foolish and wanted to save him. He just wanted to do the same. He wanted to give back everything to Eren.

 

Eren sighs and retrieves his head from Armin’s neck; meeting Armin’s eyes. Armin has experienced so much pain in the short span of his life, but he has never ached quite like this. Seeing how weary Eren looks, his eyelids heavy and defeated. Armin wants to give him an answer, to tell him that everything is okay now; that they are one step closer towards being free. But there is no answer to what will become of them now. 

 

“I can’t lose you, Armin.” Eren suddenly chokes, taking Armin’s hand and squeezing it, pressing it to his chest. Armin can feel his heart beat erratically as he fights back his tears. “You and Mikasa- You’re all I know anymore. I can’t lose you. I can’t. Don’t you ever leave.”

 

Armin mouth opens and shuts, as if trying to quell the right words out. Instead, he slowly intertwines his hands with Eren. Swallowing before speaking, he glances down before his eyes meet Eren’s.

 

“You won’t lose me, Eren. I’m sorry.” he whispers into the dark, leaning in to press his forehead against Eren’s. They stay quiet, only the sounds of their breaths filling the space between them. 

 

“I love you,” Armin whispers, pressing a soft kiss to Eren’s cheeks, underneath his eyes, his nose and lastly his lips. Armin can feel Eren’s whole body slowly relax under his touch, though his grip on Armin remains tight, pulling Armin closer towards him.

 

“I love you.” Armin repeats between kisses, wanting to drown in how it feels. Kissing Eren, his best friend and the love of his life; it’s a homecoming.

 

Once they finally part, they’re both breathing heavily. Eren quickly wipes at his eyes to wipe away any tears that have fallen. Armin pretends that he doesn't notice, to save Eren his pride.

 

“I love you too.” Eren sighs out, arms enveloping him in a tight embrace.

 

They stay silent; Armin brings up a hand to slowly stroke the strands of Eren’s hair. Eren allows himself to relax into the touch.

 

“What’s going to happen now?” He asks. Armin knows that he isn’t expecting an answer. No one knows what's going to become of them now.

 

Armin shuts his eyes and shifts, pressing his head gently into Eren's chest, nestling into his hold. He breathes in Eren's scent and dreams of having a place called home to retreat to one day. One familiar to the home he once had.

 

That dream; a dream of freedom, of comfort, is beyond the bounds of reality for him now. Whatever chance he had of having a home one day feels as if it has dwindled into obscurity. 

 

Armin's hands trace shapes delicately over Eren's skin as he thinks. It seems to calm Eren, and within a few minutes, Armin is sure Eren is asleep. His breathing is now slow and his grip on Armin loosened significantly. 

 

_ You and Mikasa- You’re all I know anymore. I can’t lose you. I can’t. Don’t you ever leave. _

 

The words replay in Armin's mind and his heart stings. He knows the sentiment is as true for him as it is for Eren. They are his two constants. If he lost either of them he would surely go mad. 

  
_ Home,  _ Armin thinks. _That's what they are. ___

**Author's Note:**

> maybe ill write eremin in a happy setting one day. god knows they need it
> 
> this is unbetaed and slightly rushed so apologies for any mistakes! 
> 
> hmu at arlertt on tumblr ! kudos + comments highly appreciated.


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